A Tale Fit For Deidara
by HarvestMoonFlareon
Summary: When Deidera agrees to get Itachi Uchiha a girlfriend. He, Itachi, and the "lucky" girl are thrown into a whirlwind of events that will shake all souls involved down to they're core. Warning, Loads of swearing Itachi/OC, Slight Deidara/OC
1. Chapter 1

A Tale fit For even Deidara

_If I owned Naruto, or at least the Akatsuki, I wouldn't need to write this fanfiction due to it being true, Itachi and Squall (Squall is a GIRL!!!) would be lovers, Itachi Wouldn't have died and Kisame would have drowned. But alas, I do NOT own Naruto or anything else involved in this fanfaction at all except my few OCs and small characters that are thrown in to make the story work at all._

_P.S. Squall is a GIRL, I know that there's a guy named Squall (Leon) in Final Fantasy XIII and in Kingdom Hearts but I didn't even know that his other name was Squall when naming her, so, LEON IS NOT IN THIS FANFICTON AND DON'T BITCH ABOUT HER NAME!! _

_enjoy the fanfiction_

Hello to who ever is reading this, I am Deidara, the dastardly handsome male rouge ninja of the Akatsuki. I know what your thinking "who knew that gay artist was a writer in his spare time" yes folks, I do write a good story when I want to or when I have the craving to write something down, and do I ever have a craving to present to the world a story about a bastard of a Weasel named "Itachi", a girl with a dark secret that could cost her her life, a dare, love at it's fundamentals and me, mostly me.

This tale of romance started almost a year ago. At the time I was lounging on one of the many chairs that littered the small reading room that the base had, having a deep conversation with Kakazu while Itachi, with his normal cold demeanor, read his usual mystery/suspense novels on the other side of the library. While my eyes flickered to the semi older male at the other side of the library, I spat a comment to the money hungry bastard that I was engaged in a conversation with. The topic of discussion was of resent news, Over a week ago, Kakazu and his bath mouthed striper of a partner, Hidan, robbed and murdered a young couple outside Kohona, as let on by the money hungry bastard, the male had front row tickets and backstage passes for the most wanted and loved band in all of the villages, The Bloody Kunai. When I heard of this, for I loved every single song they created and had several posters of them in my room, I all but tortured Kakazu for information on this and how much I needed to part with for the tickets.

"I'll give you 20,000 Yen for the tickets, Un" I pleaded to Kakazu.

He shifted his cold gaze to me and bluntly said "No."

"30,000 Yen, Un"

"No."

Damn that fucking jerk was good.

"100,000 Yen and I'll get Koren to sleep with you!! thats as high as I'll go! UN!!" I all but shouted at the male, causing a book to be thrown at my head by a more then unhappy Uchiha. As I rubbed the sore spot on my head I saw that Kakazu had mischievous smirk on his face as he looked over to Itachi, who was now continuing where he left off on his Novel. Making sure that Itachi, or anyone else for that matter, would not hear what he had to say, he spoke in such a soft voice that I had to strain in to hear what he had to say

"Tell you what, I'm more then willing to give you these tickets I have for free..." I nearly swooned when hearing that, my mind was in the crowd of teenagers at the concert. "But you have to do one thing for them."

"What, just fucking tell me! I'll do anything for those tickets!!" I had almost shouted at the top of my lungs, causing Kaktzu to rub his ears vigorously.

"must you be so fucking loud!" The older male growled at me "as I was saying, to obtain the tickets, you got to get Itachi Uchiha, and yes I said Itachi Uchiha, A girlfriend and they must sleep together at least once. If you do that before the concert, you will get the tickets. Do you understand?"

I nodded my head after ever word in the sentience. "I understand, and I think I know have just the plan"

I quickly stated before leaving the library to grab a hold of a phone before Hidan did. Because if all plans went according to plan, I could be going to the Bloody Kunai's concert before Kisame could say "Mommy?"

_Thank you folks for veiwing this fanfiction, please Read and review. And, feel free to make sugestions on where this will go, I have the main plot set out but I can always use minor events to keep the flow going._


	2. Trivial Questions and Blackeyes

A Tale Fit for Deidara

Chapter Two- Trivial Questions and blackeyes

_I do not own Naruto in anyway shape or form except my female OC Squall and some minor characters, NOTHING ELSE!! _

Upon diving to my poster-covered room to survive another day, phone and phone book underneath my arm and a black eye to boot, I had already thought of a plan to get Itachi drooling over some lassie before the concert. It seemed simple enough. The day of which I was born to this insane world was tomorrow, so I would invite Itachi along with some of the others to some night club. As I searched though the phone book, I Grimaced at how many perverted-named clubs there was and knowing Itachi has a burning hatred of night clubs, it wouldn't be easy to get him into one unless it benefited him.

After 30 minutes or so of looking though the bloody thing, I chucked it at the wall, frustrated out of my MIND and at wit's end! Every single stupid name was ether perverted, or was in a hidden village, and the last thing I needed was every single AMBU in the country on my ass. As I quickly left my room, I looked around to make sure Hidan, Tobi nor Pein was in the Area. Once I was positive I would not run into any of the mentioned people, I dashed to find Itachi. 'So much for the night club idea, oh well, there's always my other idea, meeting up with local strippers, un' I quickly thought of as I spotted the semi-older male leaving the Library, a look of enthrallment on his face, which seemed to get more darker as I screamed to him from my spot in the hallway. "Uchiha! Can you come with me to town, I need a good eye for something!"

I could tell he was in a fowl mood judging by how his eye twitched violently. "Why should I?"

"I'll owe you." I had quickly stated to avoid a kunai to my 'child-maker', this time however, I was lucky enough when he just sighed and hissed.

"fine, but you owe me."

"so what are we waiting for, you goth/bratty brother, lets get going!!" I spat as I walked out of the lair quickly, my mind focused on my plan of action that was being whipped around in my head at 990 MPH. After a minute or so of Itachi arguing with his gay shark partner on the topic of Itachi's sexuality, both Myself and his 'Tall, dark, and gruesome-ness" that is Itachi left for a destination that was a small little town that was completely apart from the other villages. Normally I would not step foot into a single village without the proper disguise, such as a wig and a pillow shoved underneath my shirt, but as I said before, this Village, which was nothing more then a overgrown market street with houses on the side, Didn't have a lot of Visitors, If any, so it was "safe" to visit this village for items of need. Upon setting foot within a half a mile from the of the "Village", both myself and Itachi discarded our cloaks and headbands to make sure no one would suspect us of being rouges. As we strolled our 'merry'

way to town, a curious streak hit me like a ton a bricks.

"Say, Uchiha, Un" I had spoken in a near 'nice' tone to the male as the first of many markets showed up infront of us.

"Yes Deidara-san"

" I was just wondering, if you were to have your perfect girl, what qualities would she have, un?"

".... What business is that of yo-"

"Just cause, now just answer me, UN!" I snapped to Itachi as we entered the village, gaining the attention of several non-candidates for Itachi's attention, at all.

"Fine, if I were to have a dream girl for a lover...." He had stopped in mid sentence to glare at one of the giggling girls before continuing with his sentience "For starters, she wouldn't be a giggly, bubbly, hag like most girls. She'd be the kind of girl that opens up more when your alone with her. She has to be smart and understanding, loving, patent, loyal, a sweetheart, Ninja smart, non-prissy, and beautiful, why?"

I blinked at what Itachi had uttered. Uchiha, loving, somehow that didn't seem right, at all.

"What?"

"Nevermind" I has spoken after a minute or two of silence.

"So, why am I here again" Itachi has spoken in an agitated voice, and if I didn't think of something in three seconds, I was gonna be come Zetsu food.

"Ya, I need you to.... Look at something for me" As I randomly grabbed a cloth from as stand ignoring the lady's plea to be careful with it. "does this go well with my kunai pouch?" I had uttered to him

".... Thats all...."

"Thats all"

"...." was all I got out of him before he turned around and left the area. As I placidly put back the cloth and walked out of the village, my head looking toward the sky as I walked back to the base. 'Greeeat Deidara, smooth one, now he's not wanna go ANYWHERE with you, how am I suppose to get him a girlfriend if-' my train of thought was interupted when a piece of paper flew into my face, as I ripped the thing off my face, grimacing in pain over the black eye before looking at the paper. As I read what it said on the otherside, I couldn't help but break into a huge smirk. 'Deidara, I think Lady luck loves ya!' I thought to myself as I dashed to the lair to make a reservation for seven at "Midnight Garden" nightclub.

_Ya, I think I could have improved on this but it's late, so I'm gonna turn this in and hit the hay_

_if you wish to leave nice comments and possibly get your ideas used in a chapter, let me know!_


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